Rishi Dhamala’s election Hamala

 

Rishi Dhamala’s election Hamala 

By Phatengra

Phatengra is a Surkhet-based nomad. 

One early morning, I received a phone call from the personal assistant of Rishi Dhamala. He invited me to cover Rishi Dhamala’s election campaign in Rautahat. At first, I flatly refused, but later I changed my mind when Dhamala’s PA personally insisted and said that Dhamala himself would serve hot jeri for me and, if possible, hot samosa as well. I could not resist the temptation of hot jeri and samosa. Over the years, jeri and samosa have been my weakness. 

“Dhamala ji, have you made any special strategy to win this election?”

“Ok, I will tell you that, but listen to me first. Many people don’t know, but let me tell you about my secret to success. Don’t you think whatever I do, I get success there? It is all because of the blessing and teaching of my Guru. You wonder, he is none other than Lalu ji. He taught me a formula of success ”.

“What! A formula of success ”.

“Hi, hi, hi, ha, ha. Yes, I am serious. It is really a formula of success. For the first time I am going to reveal this secret for you. Close your ears by both of your hands so that you will not miss a single word of wisdom”.

“Close my ears. What do you mean?”

“I mean, keep your ears open.”  

“The formula is no more a secret because I applied this formula during my journalistic journey, and you see how I became a hero of journalism. Whatever stunts I performed to get noticed in the field of journalism, more or less I will perform similar stunts in politics to woo the voters of Rautahat 4 ”.

“Oh, it sounds great.”

“Yesterday, I made jeri, and today I will make samosa. You can eat as many as you want. After that, my plan is to go to sugarcane field ”.

“Hi, hi, I doubt your intention. What do you want to do in the sugarcane field?”

“No, no, no, you have mistaken me.  You dirty mind.  You see my first name; it is Rishi, which means a sage.  I’m truly very religious and more like a saint from inside.  ”

“That is ok but I have heard that you always eat enough kaju almost every night!”

“Don’t initiate such talks now at this moment. We will discuss this matter some other time. I want to go to the sugarcane field so that I can cut sugarcane to help the local farmers. You see how great thoughts I carry with me.”  

We were having a nice talk; in the meantime, he was surrounded by the local people of Rautahat constituency number 4. Rishi Dhamala will launch his election hamala from this constituency. 

“Dhamala ji, you have eaten more sugarcane sticks than you cut. Did you come to our field to help us, or did you just want to eat our sugarcane for free?” 

“You should be happy I ate some sugarcane from your field. I liked the taste of the sugarcane of your field. Now I promise you that once I win the election, I will buy a piece of land nearby your sugarcane field and make my house there. After then, no kaju and no kismis; there will only be sugarcane. Not only this much, but I will also make our party office building in your sugarcane field.” 

After some time Dhamala rode a bicycle but couldn’t lift his leg. A villager lifted his leg onto the other side of the saddle. After that, he mounted the seat of a tractor but jumped off almost immediately when its engine made a thundering sound. 

While touring the village, he almost hugged everyone he met on his way. But I noticed at one place he did not hug a person; he kissed the hand of the person instead. I asked Dhamala, and he said he was actually confused about the gender of the person. “I could not distinguish the person, whether he or she. In order to avoid any possible political disaster, I abandoned the idea of hugging the person. That’s why I kissed the hand of the person instead.” 

Within a few days of the political campaign, I noticed that Dhamala did almost finish all the stunts he could perform. But Dhamala said that all the nautanki he performed was for the middle-aged people. His special stunt to woo Gen Z has not yet been started. 

“I will play the guitar and sing popular songs from the stage.”

“But we have never seen you playing guitar and singing on the stage. ”

“Hi, hi, hi, ha, ha. I know, I know. I practiced a lot before and now I am fully confident to steal the show ”.

“Will you dance with court, pants, and tie?”

“No, no, not. I will wear a special Hanuman kattu, and do you know who is going to share the stage with me?”

“Difficult to guess. Please you enlighten me.”

“The great and only one Jyoti Magar. You see, I have already ordered Salko kath from Tarai to make a strong stage. So that when Jyoti Magar rolls over the stage, it should not crumble down.” 

Anyway, I gave him best wishes to win the election so that we can see more such stunts from him in the parliament as well. 

My bus was ready for Surkhet. I sat in the window seat of the bus and started watching a video on my mobile. Only there did I notice that Dhamala was not the only person who performed several nautanki; there were many other leaders who were also performing different sorts of nautanki in their respective areas. 

I started thinking about when Nepali people will wake up from their reverie and choose a capable candidate who is educated and has a vision to bring a change in the country. Should we still feel proud of all the garbage that Oli, Prachanda, and Shere piled up over the years? 

I hope this time Nepali people will not make a mistake. We voters choose the wrong candidates, and later we blame these leaders. Stop blaming them alone. We are actually responsible for all the miseries because we chose the wrong people. Be wise and make the right decision by casting your vote for the right candidate. 

About the author

Well, many people don't know me by my real name. They love to call me Phatengra. Maybe it is because I don't stay in one place for long. However, the truth has it that I always prefer living alone in a quiet place. Thus, I have made a small hut in the middle of the forest in Surkhet. Whenever I want to retire in peace, I go and live there for as many days as I wish. But Phatengra cannot live in one place; it has to make a leap.